The internet is bursting this week with great things to share on sex and relationships. Following up on the sex education video I posted yesterday, here’s a wonderful article on communication, titled…
What a wonderfully radical idea. But I mean, isn’t it strange that this idea is so radical? Women saying yes. It’s not radical because women never want sex or agree to have it, but because the typical “sexy” date script society expects and encourages from us usually involves a man trying whatever he wants and a woman either putting the brakes on, or consenting…by not putting the brakes on. Sound familiar?
We’ve gotten the idea from movies and magazines that silence is sexy. Ultimate romance means fireworks and fairy dust sprinkling down from the heavens and instilling in us some magical intuition where both people suddenly just know what the other wants. Speaking out loud in full sentences would break the rhythm, ruining the mystical thrill of the spontaneous moment. And GOD FORBID you ask permission to do anything. I mean, come on, major boner killer.
Here’s an idea. Give women some agency by pausing now and then and allowing them to say YES and ask for what they want! I swear, it is sexy as hell to give somebody exactly what you know they want, without wondering if you’re guessing wrong.
Silence is only sexy because we like to assume that everybody is on the same page! Imagine how much sexier it would be if you didn’t have to assume, if a woman said, “Yes, please do that. I like that.” To have a woman actively pursue what she wants, and not just passively receive what someone assumes she wants, guarantees more fun and more pleasure for both parties. Just think of all the pornography that depicts women screaming “yes!” Consent is sexy; giving someone what they want is sexy; knowing without a doubt that your partner is satisfied is sexy.
I didn’t realize how much I agreed with this until someone put it into words!
What do you think? Do you talk explicitly with your partner(s) about what you want? Do you wish you didn’t have to talk about it?